I thought I had no limit when it came to weird fringe shows. I'll go to pretty much anything except comedians (unless I know for a fact that they are funny). It turns out, I do have a limit, and watching a woman piss in a vase then pour it on herself is indeed it.

This year, my fringe experience was heavy on female genitalia. I hadn't intended to see so many vaginas but sure here we are.

Here are the weirdest things I saw:

A pretend court case where the audience were the jury. This got surprisingly heated. It was in the Freemason lodge which added to the vibe.

Tale of a Potato. It is much like it sounds. The story of a potato, with cute little eyes.

Aforementioned woman-vase situation. I'm still attempting to erase it from my memory.

A woman dressed as a giant vagina doing a sort of one-woman-clown-cabaret thing. Heavy on audience participation but we got off lightly (disgusting pun not intended).

The worst show I've ever seen at the fringe, which later got bumped to the second worst show I've ever seen, on account of going to the actual worst show I've ever seen. People walked out. An hour and ten minutes of amateur interpretive dance that had something to do with weather, and a twenty minute rambling monologue at the end where the main character wore a long beard for reasons unknown.

Undersigned - You go to this alone. You go into Underbelly Cowgate, which is an experience in and of itself because the lower-level bridge opens up and turns into a massive intricate stone building several stories high, joined together with a towering spiral staircase. At the top, you go into a room. A woman makes you write down three of your core values, blindfolds you, then asks you what you desire most in the world. You then discuss what you'd sacrifice to get what you want. Sam did it after me and when we discussed, she alarmingly said 'yeah I couldn't believe it when I had to pinprick my finger and sign the contract in blood.' I didn't have to sign a contract in my own blood. Make of that what you will.

The actual worst show I've ever seen - starring two students who did some sort of sketch show in the style of a Carry On film, with no actual jokes as far as I could tell. I would have left if I'd been close enough to the door but unfortunately I had to endure the full hour. And it ran over.

Does Edinburgh have some sort of dry ice surplus at the moment? I don't think I went to a single show without it. It's remarkable what you can shoehorn a bit of dry ice into.

I saw 24 things in all. Many of them average to decent. But no one cares about those. We're all here to hear about the woman and the vase, if we're honest.